Jan 01 2009
Being Bipolar: New beginnings
Today is going to be a long day. It is the one year anniversary of my father’s death.
Shortly after 9 PM one year ago today, I received the call from my sister that my father had passed away. We had been talking back and forth throughout the day and he had been experiencing a great deal of pain. My sister had contacted his nurse who told her to increase his dosage of morphine. Mere seconds after she gave him the higher dose, his breathing had stopped and his heart was no longer beating. His suffering had ended and ours had just begun.
I am going to try to spend the day reflecting on how much he longed for peace and an end to his suffering. He was fortunate in having a swift end to his pain rather than many more long months of misery. This what how he wanted it and for that I should be thankful.
Now I must try to stop seeing this as an ending and viewing it as a new beginning. That’s my goal for this year.
The death anniversaries of a loved one are very difficult. A good way to look at it is that you have been able to get through a year, though in grief but nevertheless with time it gets much easier.
I’m keeping my mind occupied and just not letting myself sit and dwell on it. That has helped me maintain my sanity today. Right now, I am mindlessly surfing and reading email. Even the simplest of things is better than just sitting and thinking.