Being Bipolar

I am not a big sports fan, but I must admit that I have been following the University of Memphis basketball team for the last two or three years. Coach Cal has really brought them into the spotlight. Unfortunately, the attention he is now drawing is nothing but negative for U of M and Memphis, Tennessee.

It’s been no secret that the University of Kentucky has been wooing Calipari. U of M has certainly been aware of it and immediately offered to match any offer that UK made. The reason he decided to leave certainly isn’t financial. The big question is, why did he spend nine years building up the team and taking them to the finals and then decide to abandon them when they are in a prime position to go to the finals again next year? Aside from losing Calipari, several key players will most likely be following him and many of the new recruits. It’s going to essentially tear the team apart.

John, John, John. What have you done? The once adoring masses have already begun to loathe you. I‘m sure they will eventually understand. They all know that UK needs a good coach to pull them out of their losing streak…er, slump.

Rumors are already swirling about regarding who will replace Coach Cal. Who will land the position and inherit the duty of rebuilding this broken team? Whoever it will be has a big job ahead of them. The remaining team members, the U of M, and the Memphis fans all feel abandoned and let down. Rebuilding morale will be key to this team’s future success.

Happy, happy. Joy, joy. I have to go have my head shrunk today. Can you tell I just love going to therapy? My biggest reason for not liking it is that I have to leave the house. My second reason is knowing that they are analyzing everything I say and do so I end up constantly thinking about what I am doing or saying. Did you know that they also assess your appearance and that is supposed to tell how well you are doing? I always wonder if I look “neat” enough. It’s funny. I am supposed to go there to be analyzed but I always end up analyzing the therapy session to death.

Despite all of my qualms, I have attended every session this time and that is very unusual for me. I quit going to all the other therapists pretty quickly.  Talk therapy does very little for me besides make me extremely anxious. It’s my fault, I suppose. I carefully choose what I am going to say. I saw a therapist once and I talked to her about my concerns over how my husband was dealing with everything and I soon felt like she was pushing me to leave him. I quit immediately.

I worry a lot about how all of this affects my husband. Things are fine when I am stable but the minute I get sick things go awry. During my last episode, my husband and I were going to separate. The only way he would stay was if I agreed to go for inpatient hospitalization (but the hospital didn’t admit me), stay in therapy and take my meds. I have stuck to my end of the bargain. The only problem is that my husband used to be the one person I was completely honest with. At this point, I would be afraid to tell him if things changed for the worse because I would fear how he would react. He told me that when I became suicidal he put up a wall and eventually he wanted out. What am I supposed to do now? I am too afraid to talk about my illness with him. That leaves me with nobody. My mother can’t deal with it at all. Of course, she works with people who have been hospitalized for years. I think she sees how some of them will be institutionalized for life and it scares her. Of course, she would never admit that but I think she does.

Ack! I am working myself up again. If I don’t stop, I will end up having a panic attack.

Have a great day everyone!

Musical mistake

Bicycle blunder

 Matador mishap

Ugh. I am sick as a dog. I haven’t been this sick in years. My mom wanted me to go shopping with her today but I really don’t feel like doing anything. Friday night, I went to bed early almost in tears over an earache. (And I have a high tolerance to pain.) About 3 AM, I was woken up by a loud popping in my ear. Before that, the pressure was so bad that the pain radiated down my neck and into my jaw. Once it popped, the pain began to ease. I knew right then that it was caused by severe congestion. Since then I have been taking decongestants every four hours. I still can’t hear out of that ear and it pops every now and then.

I woke up this morning and my throat is all scratchy because of the drainage. On top of that, I am short of breath. I have reduced lung function and all of this doesn’t help. I am tempted to go back to bed but I have so much that I need to do today and my laptop overheats really quickly when sitting atop the feather mattress on my bed.

Oddly enough, as much decongestants as I am taking I still do not have a runny nose. I really hate this. Right now it is all in my head but I know that once it moves from there it will end up in my chest. Geez. I just got over the crud.

To top it all of, my youngest son has his Cub Scout banquet tonight. It is their last meeting for the year and they get all of their patches. I usually go to all of his banquets despite the anxiety that it causes me. Hubby says I have to go to take pictures. It’s going to be a long day.

Ok, ok. I’ll stop whining now.