Mar 09 2009
Being Bipolar: Should bipolar parents be allowed visitation?
I was looking through the search terms used to find my blog and found one that I would like to discuss. The exact search was: ex husband has manic depression should I let my daughter see him. This is a difficult question to answer but I will give my opinion and I would love to hear the opinion of my readers.
A few months ago, I was watching a television court show when a man stated his ex-wife was bipolar and the judge remarked, “Why would a judge give custody to someone who is bipolar?” I was angered, to say the very least.
Let me explain. There are varying degrees of illness and each person is different. You cannot judge all people with bipolar disorder by the actions of one or two. While there are some who are a danger to others, most are simply a danger to themselves. Someone who is taking medication and receiving the proper care can achieve stabilization and be perfectly normal. It is common for someone with bipolar disorder to have periods of stabilization followed by manic or depressive episodes requiring a change in medication and treatment.
Having said that, there are those who refuse treatment or are resistant to treatment. There are people with bipolar disorder (just as with people who do not have bipolar disorder) who have violent tendencies. As with everyone, there are people who are irresponsible and should not be entrusted with the care of a child. I have four children and I am perfectly capable of taking care of them even when I am unable to care for myself. They are a priority for me that supercedes all else. Deciding whether or not someone should have visitation depends upon that individual’s condition. You cannot simply say a person who has bipolar disorder is not fit to care for or spend time with their children.
Factors to be considered would be how they treat the children, if they have a history of abusive behavior, drug or alcohol dependence, and their ability to care for a child. A child’s age also should be considered along with the person’s current state of mind. For example, a person who is severely depressed may have a hard time dealing with an infant’s cries and constant needs whereas an older child may be a distraction that brings joy to a person.
Please don’t assume that just because a person has bipolar disorder that they are incapable of loving and caring for their children. You must consider the person as a whole and their behavior and each person will vary. I cannot say whether this man should be allowed visitation because I do not know anything about his condition. I can tell you that I don’t allow my oldest daughter to visit my ex and he does not have bipolar disorder – I do. He has a drug dependency and while she is old enough to care for herself, it is not a good environment for her. You must weigh all the factors and arrive at a decision that is best for the well being of your daughter. It is always preferable for a child to have a relationship with a parent unless it is hazardous to their physical or mental well being. I am bipolar and I am the responsible parent. Don’t let that be the deciding factor.
I would love to hear what you think!
The thought that somebody would consider me unfit to take care of my child because I am bipolar disturbs me to know end. There are times when my moods aren’t very stable but my daughter comes before all else and most of the time she is what pulls me back from the brink of an all out manic episode.
I cannot repeat the words I screamed at the television when the judge made the remark about why would a judge give a bipolar person custody. They are just too ugly to say again. lol I am the same way, Jessi. There are plenty of times when my kids keep me sane. There are times when I am not allowed to stay alone but never times when I can’t be alone with my children. I am much better when I am with them because I don’t want them to see the bad parts of my illness.
In my “real” line of work, I make decisions regarding child custody and parental stability on a frequent basis. Should a parent who is bipolar be allowed visitation?
Of COURSE.
I don’t think the issue is whether the parent is bipolar, but whether they have their illness under control (or are working towards getting it under control). Those parents who are unstable and are in desperate need of medication are often out of the picture.
If a child’s safety is at stake because the parent is not medicated or has had recent documented, unsafe behaviors, then I’d recommend supervised visits, but visits nonetheless.
Great site, with great insight into the life of someone who deals with a sometimes a difficult illness.