Comments on: Being Bipolar: Living with a bipolar spouse

By: Liza

Liza — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:53:12 +0000

Hi. My husband of 9 years was diagnosed 6 weeks ago as bipolar. he has always been moody (ups and downs), but when his last down mood just wouldn’t lift I asked him to see the GP. The GP thpught he was BP and sent him to the psychiatrist who said he wasn’t BP and put him on high doses of antidepressants. 5 weeks later my husband flipped out with mania, police and ambulance people had to take him away. He was committed against his will for 2 weeks.
He is out now and on Depakote and Cyraquil. He is not manic anymore, but he is still very hard to deal with. He blames me for having him committed - I should have waited until the morning and he would have gone to the hospital then, etc. While he was manic, he thought I was great, he loved me so much, his sex drive was great, he apologised for all his past shortcomings as a husband. Now he has grown distant and irritable, especially towards me. He is not depressed, he is up and out of bed on regular schedules.
Unlike many partners of BP’s - I cannot say he drinks, does drugs or is abusive— he is just distant and irritable towards me and seems to treat me with disdain. He is not a terrible father, grumpy and yells too often, but not terrible - he loves our 8 and 6 year old children.
So, in a way I can’t complain, but then again, this really just isn’t any way for me to live. He has ceased being a partner to me. I feel he has stopped loving me and I don’t feel much love for him.
But, at the same time, I know he is sick and I am worried that this is his illness/medication talking. But to be honest, he has been unpleasant for much of the 9 years we have been married. Assuming that illness dates back a good bit, maybe that past nastiness was also caused by the BP. So… I don’t know: how much of our problems is caused by his illness, his medication, his personality, my personality, problems in our relationship??? I just don’t know and I feel like I am thinking about leaving him when he is still possibly ‘not well enough’ for me to be making such decisions. But then again, you can only have your heart broken so many times.
Any and all advice would be very appreciated.
CryingIrishEyes

By: Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 26 May 2009 03:47:17 +0000

So, what is the first thing one can do if they suspect their spouse is bipolar yet the spouse does not think they are? I guess I realized that my husband might potentially be BP when I read another entry that said she felt more like a mother to her husband than a spouse. That is exactly how I have felt everyday for almost 10 years. After reading other entries on the subject, many of my husbands personality traits fit the descriptions. How do I get my husband to agree to be looked at by a Dr. when he thinks his actions and behaviors are perfectly normal?

By: Strong Again

Strong Again — Fri, 08 May 2009 02:09:59 +0000

i was married to a bipolar husband for 3 years. i tried and tried, but could not cope up. i love him and he loves me too. but we just can’t live together. when i saw his behavior affected my 1 yr child, i left him. we’ve been separated since then. the good thing about such situation is when the bipolar person is willing to change. that makes a world of difference. i really admire the spouses to deal with a bipolar spouse.

By: ashley

ashley — Mon, 04 May 2009 00:28:18 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. He refuses meds, but I have been dealing with his “episodes” just fine until now. I’m pregnant and have been realizing the danger of his rages, fits, and ugly comments. I love my husband very much, but I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with the “ugly side”, and how unfair it would be for our daughter to grow up thinking everything from hot weather to a spatula out of place is just cause for her to be blamed and screamed at.

By: atorturedsoul

atorturedsoul — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:48:26 +0000

I think that as with all relationships, it cannot be one-sided. If one person is putting forth all of (or a significant amount of) the effort, then it quickly becomes tiring and you begin to feel as if it isn’t worth it. Having a bipolar spouse can lead to a person blaming their behavior on their illness. Insist that they get help and stick to it. It can make a world of difference - but only if they are willing to do it. Best of luck to you!

By: chris-t

chris-t — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:11:53 +0000

oh my, i know exactly what you are talking about. although, my spouse and i are still trying to work through alot of issues he does not seem to think that he is at fault at anything. he makes me feel like i am the one that is bipolar sometimes. i find myself appoligizing over and over again for things that i know i did not do wrong but you could not convience him of that. he has been to several doctors in our three year marriage. he was on several different meds but none of them worked. he finally go off the meds and said that he could not be bipolar becuase the meds do not work. he began self medicating hiself with alcohol and prescription pain meds for about 1 1/2 years. he will realize he has a problem and then get off the dope (pain meds), then we (me and the kids) will have to suffer through his withdrawal rages and critical ugly comments he makes. after 2 weeks he will self medicate again. he recently went to a new doc and was again dx with bipolar, the doc put him on meds again but my husband continues to self medicate. i am to my wits end and don’t know what to do. i feel like sometimes i can’t handle this situation, i don’t find that it makes me stronger. i find that this situation makes me a bitter, sad person. never happy. i feel that he brings me down to his level. i don’t know what to do anymore……

By: sanerdudette

sanerdudette — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 02:46:56 +0000

My experience living with a bi polar spouse has been horrible. My husband does not understand how difficult it is for me to live with him. Everything is my fault, not his. It is truly hellish as I can not reason with him at all. It all culminated last june when he was committed for a couple of weeks. He had crazy scary rages, which were caused by undiagnosed Hepatitis A. Who knew? We have been separated since then…..