Mrs. Scotsman was diagnosed with bipolar I in 2006.
How did you feel about being diagnosed with bipolar disorder?
It was an adventure getting to the diagnosis. After having my daughter I had postpartum right away. I couldn’t figure out how to tell anyone that I didn’t want her so I didn’t say anything. It took awhile for the truth to come out. We dealt with PPD for about a year then the conversations with the psych doctor turned to evaluating me for bipolar. My father is bipolar and so I grew up fearing that I would be too. At that point in my life I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I had already been established with a good doctor and knew I would be in good hands. It some way I was relieved because now I could stop ‘fearing’ about bipolar. I was bipolar. However I have support from family and friends and I do not have to be like my dad.
How would you explain your illness to someone who hasn’t heard of it?
I ask people to think of it as similar to diabetes. Diabetes is a common illness that is general understood and doesn’t have the stigmatism that a mental illness. I explain that just like diabetes 1, bipolar is a chronic illness that happens to a person that can not be cured. Just like a person with diabetes I have to check in with my doctors, take daily medication, exercise and eat right. Diabetic watch their blood sugar levels – I chart my moods.
Have you ever felt as if you are treated differently because of your illness? Explain.
Growing up as a child of an adult with bipolar I felt the most like I was treated differently. I knew that our family was different, but I never truly understood why. We never talked about my dad’s illness with anyone at church or school so no one could really get to know us and understand what life was like at home. Since personally being diagnoses I am pretty open about my illness. There are only a few Christians in my life that I don’t want them to find out because of their personal views of people with mental illness. The only time I really feel different from others is when I have to limit myself because it is the best thing for me. Sometimes I have to cut back all together for awhile and sometimes it is just a specific activity that doesn’t work for me. My friends know why I do what I do. I don’t have a problem taking care of myself even if it means that others don’t get it.
Describe one of your worst (or most memorable) moments related to your illness.
In May 2007 my mind kept racing and I couldn’t function. It was still in the beginning of my official diagnosis with bipolar. I didn’t have my entire emergency plan worked out with my husband. But one morning life was more that I could handle. I was suicidal and I just couldn’t get it across to him. So I ended up driving myself to the hospital and checked myself in as suicidal. It was scary. I was treated with dignity, but it was awful being on suicide watch. The whole time I wished that I could get out and go home, but I knew that I could not function. I was in the ER on suicide watch for 6 hours and that was about as low as the illness as brought me, but that also brought me to the place I could get help.
Describe one of your best (or most memorable) moments related to your illness.
This illness has shown me the meaning of true friendships. When I had postpartum, while I was in the hospital and even now there are people that will take my daughter for me. I never have to worry about her well being when I can’t take care of her. These dear friends will take her and I don’t have to explain anything to them.
Describe your personal experience with this disorder:
Since my personal diagnosis has been just in the last 3 years I’m only beginning to understand my life with the illness. What I have experienced my whole life is being the daughter of a bipolar father. He was hospitalized when I was 12 for 6 months. Then he had a separate residence for 6 months. I don’t remember a lot about my childhood because I block a lot of it out. I didn’t talk even to my siblings about it until just recently. My dad went into the hospital last Aug and is still there. I don’t know why we now feel like we can talk about it, but we do and for that I’m thankful. I do worry about my brothers being bipolar and being afraid to get diagnoses. Each one knows they can talk to me at anytime. Just recently one did take my advice and get screened. Thankfully he is not! Now he has a relationship establish with a doctor who knows his history so that if anything should come up he wouldn’t have to start from scratch.
Is there anything else you would like to share?
I am so thankful to the people in my life who have stuck with me through this journey. I have learned that generally my bipolar is manageable day to day. However when I can’t deal with life for that day there is a huge support team around me to help me figure out what I need to do to get me better. I also have help guiding my daughter through my illness. At three she knows that I take medication every night to ‘help mommy feel better’. She knows that I have hard days and sometimes get sad. I made it very clear to her that SHE doesn’t make mommy sad. She is more aware than when mommy’s not okay that is when someone comes to get her for a few hours or even overnight. I am blessed.
Thanks, Mrs. Scotsman!
In the spirit of awareness, I thought it would be helpful to point out ways you can help someone with bipolar disorder and things you shouldn’t do. Its sort of a “Do’s and Don’ts” list.
