Being Bipolar

After five months of putting in posts every single day of the week I have decided to take a much deserved weekend off. Since you will be waiting a few days for an update, I’m going to tell you a hilarious story that will keep you laughing until I return. All of it is true—I swear!

I seriously have to wonder about the boys sometimes. By boys, I don’t mean my 17 and 10-year-old sons. I mean my husband and our 22 year old “adopted” son, Brian. At this point I realize that I am somewhat responsible for the incident. I should have never mentioned the ants in the mailbox while the two of them were together.

Honestly, I only mentioned it because they had been in there for over a week and it was now full of them. I assumed (wrongfully) that my husband would go out to the camper and get the ant spray and spray down the mailbox. They were walking out the door with a can of hairspray in hand and I just knew this was not going to have a good outcome.

I watched through the door (waiting to see who would need medical attention first) as they sprayed the box full of hairspray and tried to light it on fire. Fortunately, hair spray isn’t as flammable as you would think. I was relieved until they got out the can of spray paint. I pictured a flaming mailbox shooting over the roof. There was going to be no happy ending to this.

They sprayed the box full of paint and then lit it on fire and slammed the door. It, of course, blew the door back open. At least no one was hurt, right? Well, if they had walked away then it would have been fine. They looked into the mailbox and apparently they were not satisfied that the ants were dead. I saw several more flashes of light before I saw a very large whoosh followed by two boys running away from the mailbox in opposite directions.

At this point, I couldn’t watch anymore. It was only a few minutes before they walked into the door and I was overwhelmed by the smell of burning hair. Brian, who decided my husband would do the spraying and he would light the fumes, had stuck his arm into the mailbox and lit it. That was the big whoosh. It burned almost all of the hair off of his right arm and burned him in several spots. “Hey, the ants are dead!” they proclaimed. I just shook my head. I should have never mentioned the ants. What was I thinking?

Before you get too worried, we fixed poor Brian up with Solarcaine. In case you don’t know what that is, it is made to treat minor burns and sunburn. It has aloe vera and a numbing agent. It was getting late at that point so he decided to go on home and lick his wounds. Does it end there? Of course not.

About five minutes later, he texts and asks my husband to bring the Solarcaine to work the next day. I had tried to send it home with him but he wouldn’t hear of it. Twenty minutes later, he texts and says he couldn’t stand how one arm had hair and the other one didn’t. He shaved his other arm to match. All I could do was laugh.

I guess it could have been much worse. No one was seriously injured (thank goodness) and they didn’t blow the mailbox up. It will need a new paint job, though. Perhaps I will paint some flames down the side to commemorate the Great Ant Massacre of 2009.

Have a great weekend, and remember—don’t let your boys play with aerosol cans and a lighter.

I decided to take some time and search for bipolar blogs. The personal blogs I found in the first ten listings on Google have not been updated in some time. Hmmm. Bipolar blogs is not a keyword I have been using but perhaps I should. My blog is certainly more fitting to be on the front page for that search term than blogs whose last update was June or July of 2008. Right?

Then I searched for personal bipolar blogs and only found a few that had been updated quite recently. This is another term that I have not been using but again, perhaps I should be. I’m not sure how often these terms are searched but I think I will start focusing on using these terms and try to make it to the front page. It’s obvious to me that anyone who is searching for either bipolar blogs or personal bipolar blogs will not be able to find what they are looking for. Maybe I can help them out.

The reason why I was doing these searches is because I was actually trying to find other bloggers to network with but there seems to be very few who post on a regular basis. It’s actually quite sad. Anyone who is searching for a blog about bipolar disorder, maybe to read someone’s personal experiences with the disorder, will not be able to find anything recent or regularly updated. So now, I will be going after the front page of search results for the terms bipolar blogs and personal bipolar blogs. Wish me luck!

For those of you who do have a blog or website about bipolar disorder or mental health, would you be interested in exchanging links? Leave me a comment!

I have experienced firsthand the frustration of dealing with someone who has bipolar disorder and refuses to even try to do any better. I can honestly say that I now understand the other side of things and how annoying it can be.

This person, who shall remain nameless, won’t even try to achieve stabilization and it has resulted in quite a reckless lifestyle. I have tried my best to explain that drinking alcohol and taking your medication is pretty much useless. I have stressed over and over that you can’t get better unless you want to. You must put forth an effort.

Let me say this. I do have episodes. I try really hard to do the best I can. There are times when I do stupid things. I admit that I have moments where I cannot control myself, but I am not like that all of the time. Living your life like that every single day will never result in leading a productive life. You can never truly be happy with your life like that.

I certainly understand how hard it really is. Believe me when I say I have been there and back. Listen to me when I tell you it doesn’t have to be like that every day. You are choosing to be that way and it is frustrating to everyone around you. You can’t help someone who won’t help themself.

Dealing with this has only provided me with a greater desire to do the best I can to remain stable. After all, the best I can do is all anyone can ask of me, right? I see now how aggravating it can be when you know someone can do better and they simply choose not to because it’s easier to blame everything on their condition. I promise I will do everything I possibly can.

I would like to say to everyone that must deal with someone with bipolar disorder who does not even try to be better—I’m sorry. I swear to my family and friends that I will not give up or give in. I will keep on pushing to do better.

This is an update to my long rant from yesterday. The drama keeps building around the situation and this is where I say no more. I wash my hands of it all. I am simply ending it by saying there are none so blind as those who will not see. The issues you have in your life simply do not affect me. Once we left the campground and we informed you of what happened then it released me from the situation entirely. The drama sat at your feet was brought on by he who professes to love you. If you cannot see that, then I can’t help you. I choose not to be a part of it because I have that option. Have a nice life. I honestly hope you don’t end up hurt too badly in the end. With that, I move on.

My children were out of school all last week and then again yesterday because of spring break. Today is my first day at home alone. Yippee! A full day of peace and quiet is exactly what I need. I intend to spend the day looking for ways to make more money. In the last month, my husband’s overtime was cut out and just yesterday they informed him that because of the layoff coming up Friday he is being bumped out of his current position. This involves a pay cut.

We’re very thankful he has a job but we’ve cut and cut until we really can’t cut much more. I currently work part time as a technical writer but I am not getting much work right now so I need something to supplement my income. That’s my goal for today. I am going to get serious about looking for more work. Wish me luck!

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Have a great day!

Over the long holiday weekend, I took a nice camping trip to get away and relax. When I left home Thursday afternoon I had no idea that my weekend would end with so much drama. Yesterday I told you I was having issues with anger. Well, that post was actually written on Thursday before I left home. I managed to control myself for several hours but after that I completely lost it and it almost ended in a physical confrontation. At this point I am seriously considering asking the doctor to increase the dosage of Lamictal because I realize that I truly do need more medication. There are too many stupid people in the world for me to deal with and I am not on enough medication to keep from strangling one of them.

Thursday night was very nice. It was just my immediate family and a 22-year-old that we call our adopted son. One of his female friends came up late that evening. As we were putting up their tent, I saw a snake slithering across the sidewalk not five feet from me. Our adopted son, Brian, quickly killed what turned out to be a copperhead. It rained pretty hard in the middle of the night. Friday morning, we ended up standing at the bathhouse for about an hour while we waited out a tornado warning. There was so much hail that the ground was white. Fortunately, the hail wasn’t large enough to hurt anything. After that, it cleared up and turned into a beautiful day.

Friday afternoon, my sister-in-law and her husband and their two youngest children brought their pop-up and got the spot under the hill from us. I had dinner fixed when they got there and we all sat down and ate. (My chili casserole is a favorite with everyone.) Things were still going good. Later that night, their oldest daughter and her fiancé arrived. They were sleeping in a tent right behind my sister-in-law. We built a fire and we all sat around the campfire way past midnight.

Saturday morning, my sister-in-law had to go to a nearby town to buy an adapter for the plug on their camper. Brian’s friend had to leave because she had to go to work that afternoon. The State Park was having an Easter egg hunt so our niece and her boyfriend took my sister-in-law’s two boys and we took our three youngest children. The Easter bunny was there so we took a few pictures of the kids before the hunt started. After it was all over, we went back to the campground and started getting ready to cook supper. I made chicken enchiladas and we cooked them in a metal pan over the fire. We also had brats and hot dogs.

We decided to take a walk down to the river after supper but before we got back my niece’s fiancé (who was himself a guest) decided to invite a guest—another female. My niece was not very happy about it but she seemed to like the girl after she arrived. The boyfriend was rather rude and offered the girl food that we had cooked. (Hey, you didn’t put in on this man.) I didn’t like her because it only took about ten minutes to realize that she was a pathological liar. I can’t stand people who lie. My sister-in-law decided to go to bed since she had to leave early Sunday morning. We had a nice fire going and things were nice but the three of them (my niece, her boyfriend, and his friend) were annoying me. They decided to leave and go to the liquor store. It was nice and quiet while they were gone but I knew I would go to bed when they got back because they had already gotten on my nerves. As soon as they pulled up, I went inside. I told my husband to keep them quiet because if they woke me up I was going to be angry.

Of course, you know what happened. They were so loud that they woke me up at 1 AM. I was angry to say the least. I called my husband in and told him it was time to run them down the hill and come in and go to bed. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay out with the fire with Brian. I told him he could either come in now or he could sleep in the tent with Brian. After a brief (and loud) discussion, he decided he would come in for the night. Brian went into his tent and all of the trio followed him. I had to tell my husband to go out and tell them to quiten down or leave. It wasn’t long before Brian texted my husband and told him to come outside. He couldn’t get them to leave his tent so he could go to sleep. The girl had passed out on the air mattress. He told the other two it was time to go. They said they would leave in just a few minutes. Fine. He came back in thinking they were packing it up and going in for the night.

It kept getting louder and louder so I told him he was going to have to get rid of them or I would. Nobody wanted me to go out there. They knew it would get ugly. He texted his sister and told her to tell her daughter it was time to go to bed. It was about that time that the girl started screaming at the top of her lungs. It went from screaming to crying. My husband ran outside to find his niece’s fiancé trying to make the girl get up and he had his hands all over her—and I do mean ALL over her. She was screaming at him telling him to leave her alone. My husband bent down in the tent and threatened to hit him. He got out and they were starting to leave. This was when I headed out the door telling them they better get down the hill right now. (They had been trying to keep me from going out there.) My sister-in-law got up right about that time. My husband walked down the hill to tell her what was going on and the boy started trying to talk to him. I walked down there and put my finger in his face and told him the best thing he could do at this point was to shut the hell up or else my husband would end up hurting him. He tried to say something else and I got even closer to him and told him to keep running his mouth and he would end up getting an ass kicking right there. He shut up quickly and started crying.

Let me say that everyone who knows me knows that the drama ends with me. When I get angry it is all going to end or someone is going to get hurt. They knew when I came out the door it was serious. I got my husband to go back up the hill. My niece and her boyfriend walked to the bathhouse and she mouthed off something when she walked past. I told her, “Shut it up now. I don’t tolerate spouting off at me.” They went back to the tent and I could hear them all the way at my campsite. I yelled down there that they better shut it up or I would tear that tent apart shutting them up. It got quiet quickly and it stayed quiet after that. Brian laughed. He said I would be like Wolverine off of X-men clawing that tent apart.

It was around this time that I found out that he had slapped Brian in the back of his head twice, telling him he couldn’t go to sleep. Brian didn’t hit him because he didn’t want to get us kicked out. I told Brian I appreciated his restraint. So my niece’s boyfriend had two men ready to kick his ass. I told my sister-in-law to tell both my niece and him that they had best not come back to my campsite. They left us stuck with the drunk girl that we didn’t even know. She kept saying, “I don’t normally do this. I have two kids.” I snapped at her, “I have four and it doesn’t make me the smartest person in the world”. She kept saying, “I work for the government.” So does my mother—in a state mental hospital. I was tired of it all and I was seriously going to hurt her if she didn’t shut up. I said a responsible adult doesn’t go out and get drunk around a bunch of strangers. She shut up quickly. Lucky for her that we are decent people. They put her back in the tent and zipped her up and Brian slept on our couch.

I was so mad that I was shaking when I went in. The kids had already woke up and found what the Easter bunny brought them. I finally got them settled down and I think I ended up going to sleep around 4 AM. I was not a happy camper. Brian kept trying to get the kids to be quiet. He told them, “If she comes down here, I’m going to be saying momma please don’t hit me.”

I cannot deal with stupidity and I ended up outnumbered by them. Funny thing. No one else could get them to shut up and go to bed. It took me all of ten minutes to get them all in bed. They knew not to pull that crap with me. I have a much longer fuse now thanks to the medication but once I do get angry the BS stops.

So what is your opinion? Do I need more medication or was my reaction somewhat normal?