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Apr 14 2009

Being Bipolar: An Update

This is an update to my long rant from yesterday. The drama keeps building around the situation and this is where I say no more. I wash my hands of it all. I am simply ending it by saying there are none so blind as those who will not see. The issues you have in your life simply do not affect me. Once we left the campground and we informed you of what happened then it released me from the situation entirely. The drama sat at your feet was brought on by he who professes to love you. If you cannot see that, then I can’t help you. I choose not to be a part of it because I have that option. Have a nice life. I honestly hope you don’t end up hurt too badly in the end. With that, I move on.

My children were out of school all last week and then again yesterday because of spring break. Today is my first day at home alone. Yippee! A full day of peace and quiet is exactly what I need. I intend to spend the day looking for ways to make more money. In the last month, my husband’s overtime was cut out and just yesterday they informed him that because of the layoff coming up Friday he is being bumped out of his current position. This involves a pay cut.

We’re very thankful he has a job but we’ve cut and cut until we really can’t cut much more. I currently work part time as a technical writer but I am not getting much work right now so I need something to supplement my income. That’s my goal for today. I am going to get serious about looking for more work. Wish me luck!

Just noticed that this is my 200th post here at Today.com! I want to thank the Today network for the great opportunities I have here. If you would like to blog and get paid for it, Today is the place for you. Click the banner below to sign up and join the best blogging community on the net.

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Have a great day!

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Apr 13 2009

Being Bipolar: Humor-Zombie Emergency Procedure for Woody Harrelson

Published by atorturedsoul under Humor Edit This

Woody Harrelson attacked a TMZ photographer and claimed he mistook him for a zombie. He said he was still in character for the new movie he had been shooting. He plays a man fighting to survive in a world full of zombies. Harrelson says he thought the photographer was a zombie and it was an understandable mistake. Ha! This one’s for you, Woody!

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Apr 13 2009

Being Bipolar: I almost snapped. Funny story, though.

944-003.jpgOver the long holiday weekend, I took a nice camping trip to get away and relax. When I left home Thursday afternoon I had no idea that my weekend would end with so much drama. Yesterday I told you I was having issues with anger. Well, that post was actually written on Thursday before I left home. I managed to control myself for several hours but after that I completely lost it and it almost ended in a physical confrontation. At this point I am seriously considering asking the doctor to increase the dosage of Lamictal because I realize that I truly do need more medication. There are too many stupid people in the world for me to deal with and I am not on enough medication to keep from strangling one of them.

Thursday night was very nice. It was just my immediate family and a 22-year-old that we call our adopted son. One of his female friends came up late that evening. As we were putting up their tent, I saw a snake slithering across the sidewalk not five feet from me. Our adopted son, Brian, quickly killed what turned out to be a copperhead. It rained pretty hard in the middle of the night. Friday morning, we ended up standing at the bathhouse for about an hour while we waited out a tornado warning. There was so much hail that the ground was white. Fortunately, the hail wasn’t large enough to hurt anything. After that, it cleared up and turned into a beautiful day.

Friday afternoon, my sister-in-law and her husband and their two youngest children brought their pop-up and got the spot under the hill from us. I had dinner fixed when they got there and we all sat down and ate. (My chili casserole is a favorite with everyone.) Things were still going good. Later that night, their oldest daughter and her fiancé arrived. They were sleeping in a tent right behind my sister-in-law. We built a fire and we all sat around the campfire way past midnight.

Saturday morning, my sister-in-law had to go to a nearby town to buy an adapter for the plug on their camper. Brian’s friend had to leave because she had to go to work that afternoon. The State Park was having an Easter egg hunt so our niece and her boyfriend took my sister-in-law’s two boys and we took our three youngest children. The Easter bunny was there so we took a few pictures of the kids before the hunt started. After it was all over, we went back to the campground and started getting ready to cook supper. I made chicken enchiladas and we cooked them in a metal pan over the fire. We also had brats and hot dogs.

We decided to take a walk down to the river after supper but before we got back my niece’s fiancé (who was himself a guest) decided to invite a guest—another female. My niece was not very happy about it but she seemed to like the girl after she arrived. The boyfriend was rather rude and offered the girl food that we had cooked. (Hey, you didn’t put in on this man.) I didn’t like her because it only took about ten minutes to realize that she was a pathological liar. I can’t stand people who lie. My sister-in-law decided to go to bed since she had to leave early Sunday morning. We had a nice fire going and things were nice but the three of them (my niece, her boyfriend, and his friend) were annoying me. They decided to leave and go to the liquor store. It was nice and quiet while they were gone but I knew I would go to bed when they got back because they had already gotten on my nerves. As soon as they pulled up, I went inside. I told my husband to keep them quiet because if they woke me up I was going to be angry.

Of course, you know what happened. They were so loud that they woke me up at 1 AM. I was angry to say the least. I called my husband in and told him it was time to run them down the hill and come in and go to bed. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay out with the fire with Brian. I told him he could either come in now or he could sleep in the tent with Brian. After a brief (and loud) discussion, he decided he would come in for the night. Brian went into his tent and all of the trio followed him. I had to tell my husband to go out and tell them to quiten down or leave. It wasn’t long before Brian texted my husband and told him to come outside. He couldn’t get them to leave his tent so he could go to sleep. The girl had passed out on the air mattress. He told the other two it was time to go. They said they would leave in just a few minutes. Fine. He came back in thinking they were packing it up and going in for the night.

It kept getting louder and louder so I told him he was going to have to get rid of them or I would. Nobody wanted me to go out there. They knew it would get ugly. He texted his sister and told her to tell her daughter it was time to go to bed. It was about that time that the girl started screaming at the top of her lungs. It went from screaming to crying. My husband ran outside to find his niece’s fiancé trying to make the girl get up and he had his hands all over her—and I do mean ALL over her. She was screaming at him telling him to leave her alone. My husband bent down in the tent and threatened to hit him. He got out and they were starting to leave. This was when I headed out the door telling them they better get down the hill right now. (They had been trying to keep me from going out there.) My sister-in-law got up right about that time. My husband walked down the hill to tell her what was going on and the boy started trying to talk to him. I walked down there and put my finger in his face and told him the best thing he could do at this point was to shut the hell up or else my husband would end up hurting him. He tried to say something else and I got even closer to him and told him to keep running his mouth and he would end up getting an ass kicking right there. He shut up quickly and started crying.

Let me say that everyone who knows me knows that the drama ends with me. When I get angry it is all going to end or someone is going to get hurt. They knew when I came out the door it was serious. I got my husband to go back up the hill. My niece and her boyfriend walked to the bathhouse and she mouthed off something when she walked past. I told her, “Shut it up now. I don’t tolerate spouting off at me.” They went back to the tent and I could hear them all the way at my campsite. I yelled down there that they better shut it up or I would tear that tent apart shutting them up. It got quiet quickly and it stayed quiet after that. Brian laughed. He said I would be like Wolverine off of X-men clawing that tent apart.

It was around this time that I found out that he had slapped Brian in the back of his head twice, telling him he couldn’t go to sleep. Brian didn’t hit him because he didn’t want to get us kicked out. I told Brian I appreciated his restraint. So my niece’s boyfriend had two men ready to kick his ass. I told my sister-in-law to tell both my niece and him that they had best not come back to my campsite. They left us stuck with the drunk girl that we didn’t even know. She kept saying, “I don’t normally do this. I have two kids.” I snapped at her, “I have four and it doesn’t make me the smartest person in the world”. She kept saying, “I work for the government.” So does my mother—in a state mental hospital. I was tired of it all and I was seriously going to hurt her if she didn’t shut up. I said a responsible adult doesn’t go out and get drunk around a bunch of strangers. She shut up quickly. Lucky for her that we are decent people. They put her back in the tent and zipped her up and Brian slept on our couch.

I was so mad that I was shaking when I went in. The kids had already woke up and found what the Easter bunny brought them. I finally got them settled down and I think I ended up going to sleep around 4 AM. I was not a happy camper. Brian kept trying to get the kids to be quiet. He told them, “If she comes down here, I’m going to be saying momma please don’t hit me.”

I cannot deal with stupidity and I ended up outnumbered by them. Funny thing. No one else could get them to shut up and go to bed. It took me all of ten minutes to get them all in bed. They knew not to pull that crap with me. I have a much longer fuse now thanks to the medication but once I do get angry the BS stops.

So what is your opinion? Do I need more medication or was my reaction somewhat normal?

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Apr 12 2009

Being Bipolar: Stabilization and easily annoyed?

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As many of you already know, I have bipolar disorder. My official diagnosis is Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I also have panic disorder with agoraphobia. I have struggled with this for a few years but I am bordering on stabilization at the moment. Basically, this means that treatment is working for me at this time. Despite all of this, I still find that at times I have an overwhelming urge to snap at stupid people.

I have pretty much stopped taking Xanax completely. I was only taking 4 or 5 of them a month, but now I am thinking that maybe there are times when I may need to take one to calm myself down. My husband came in from work the other day and made one comment that I thought was stupid and I spent the rest of the evening snapping at him and belittling him. I regret it now but at that moment I couldn’t stop myself. The mortgage company has certainly received some sarcastic commentary from me but I honestly feel like they deserved it.

Right now, I am very easily irritated. I’m not angry; I’m annoyed. It worries me a bit because annoyance usually leads to anger. Perhaps I am starting to become manic again. Many of you with bipolar disorder enjoy manic episodes because sometimes when you are manic you feel like you’re on top of the world and everyone loves you. I haven’t had that kind of manic episode in years. Manic for me means I am angry and I want to rip your head off.

I am definitely not going to dwell on this because I know if I do I will put it in my head that I am becoming manic and then I certainly will be. I am going to keep an eye on it and start monitoring my moods a little closer. I think I will also add in a Xanax here and there to try to keep my mouth under control. Wish me luck with that!

Have a great day!

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Apr 11 2009

Being Bipolar: Treatment for bipolar disorder

openmind_cartoon.jpgAfter being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you will likely have many questions concerning treatment. While treatment for bipolar disorder can vary greatly, it will likely consist of one or both of these options: drug therapy and talk therapy.

Today, there are many medications available. One of the oldest drugs used to treat bipolar disorder is Lithium. It is relatively inexpensive and has far less side effects than many of the newer medications. However, it does require regular blood tests to ensure that you are getting the right amount to avoid toxicity. More and more medications are being given to people with bipolar disorder. There are far too many to list. Each medication works differently on everyone and you simply cannot expect to have success with one drug just because someone else did. It is also important to remember that the dosage will often need to be slowly increased to minimize side effects and it may take several adjustments to reach a dosage that will work for you. Be patient, but do report any unpleasant side effects to your doctor and be open and honest about how a medication is or is not helping you.

Talk therapy is often used to monitor moods and the effectiveness of medications. Most doctors prefer to combine medication and counseling in order to achieve the most effective treatment of bipolar disorder. The disorder itself can cause rapidly changing moods and it is important that your doctor knows what type of bipolar disorder you have in order to prescribe the proper plan for treatment. Therapy can help this process. Evaluating the moods of a person with bipolar disorder can help your doctor decide what medication is best for you. Some medications are used to control manic episodes and some are more effective in controlling depressive episodes. It is all an important part of the process.

Hospitalization is considered in the event that you become a danger to yourself or others. Someone who becomes suicidal or homicidal will most certainly be recommended for evaluation for potential hospitalization. This will allow doctors to very carefully monitor your moods and development a plan for treatment that will stabilize your moods. This is a crucial part of recovering from severe depressive episodes where a person has attempted or considered suicide.

It is very important that you select a doctor or doctors that you entrust with your care. If you are not willing to discuss your condition openly and honestly it is hardly likely that you will find effective treatment even with the most capable of doctors.

If you are seeking or beginning treatment for bipolar disorder, I urge you to stick with it as their isn’t a magic formula to fix this and it often takes a little bit of time to find the right medication. Best of luck to you!

Have a great day!

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